She does not have enough internal strength to leave.
When a woman experiences violence in her relationship, her self-esteem is very low and she believes that her abilities and strength are nonexistent. She sees the abuser as omnipotent and believes that she cannot escape. Most times, the abuser threatens to kill his wife if she leaves. The woman believes it because everyday life shows her that the abuser does what he wants without any problems. The woman feels totally helpless and is too busy surviving to plan or think to escape.
She is scared of the future.
The woman that experiences violence is so insecure of herself that she cannot imagine surviving alone. The abuser always repeats that she is not able to take care of herself.
She keeps believing that he is going to change.
Each time the abuser apologizes for having mistreated her and promises that he will never do it again. It is very difficult not to believe when someone apologizes.
She loves him even when he is abusing her.
We can all remember someone we love very much, even though he or she hurt us. The abuser is still the person that the woman fell in love with and sometimes they have romantic moments together. All dreams of love and happiness are connected to this man. It is difficult for a woman to leave her dreams behind and turn her back on a person she loves and with whom she shared a part of her life.
She thinks is her fault.
The woman believes that changing her behavior will stop him from mistreating her. She thinks that it is all her fault and that something is wrong with her. The abuser reinforces that by finding a reason to mistreat her. She the woman also believes she has to sort things out.
The woman doesn’t have a job or money. If she leaves the abuser, she would not have any financial resource. She doesn’t have where to go and her family doesn’t want or cannot help her. She is scared of working for a very low pay because of her lack of experience and she is afraid of being abused by her boss or coworkers.
She has to take care of her kids and cannot work a full time job. She can’t find or can’t pay for someone to take care of her kids to go to work. She feels that she should not leave the abuser because of her kids. She feels that she has to give her children the best and that means staying in her home.
Her family tells her that she has to take responsibility in making the relationship work. Her friends tell her that she has to stay with him because of the kids. Her neighbors tell her that she would be a bad mother and a bad wife if she leaves him. Her church reminds her that when she got married, she promised to stay with him for the rest of her life. She thinks that nobody will help her, she is afraid to not find where to go, her family is tired of helping her, her friends don’t want to get involved, professionals try to fix the relationship. She stops asking for help because nobody wants to help her.
She thinks that there is no social justice and that the court will say that she is a bad wife and that she causes the violence.
Maybe she is embarrassed to say that she experiences domestic abuse. She knows what other people say about women who stay in abusive relationships and she does not want anybody to know about her experience. She doesn’t want people to know that her marriage was a failure.